Vanity

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This is the largest mirror I have to work with on the truck. Most of the time there are water spots or a layer of dirty on it. When you get ready in the morning, do you have to clean off the mirror to see yourself?
Before I got on the truck, I checked myself in at least 3 different mirrors before leaving the house; a full length mirrored closet door, a landscape style bathroom mirror and a final check in a smaller portrait style bathroom mirror to make sure I was presentable for the world. My husband would get mad when I would do a last minute wardrobe change because that last mirror pointed out my arm fat was hanging out. I was (and am still just a little) vain.
And here is where I lay down on that comfy couch and the therapist takes out her pen and paper she will use to doodle idly as I spill my guts… most people (that I know) who are super self conscious are very fit, always have their hair color maintained and either wax or pluck their brows. Being that I am a plus sized woman I find the need to be extra self conscious because I already have a less appealing (and less socially acceptable) canvas to work with. But my outfit had to bear a certain criteria (shirt length,  sleeve length, how the back of my pants fit my legs) and that made going into public a true pain for my husband. And don’t get me started on my hair (my face is to fat for a ponytail) so I could never wear it all up, even in sweltering heat.
It took me a few weeks on the truck to get used to not being able to see myself fully in a mirror. I would use the large side mirror to do my hair and makeup. But today I proudly stand and declare my freedom from the need to judge myself in such a way. I won’t ever be the trucker’s wife who steps out of the rig in cartoon character pajama bottoms and a holey t-shirt, but I can confidently throw on jeans and a shirt without gong into a panic attack about how they fit and how others will see me. I do have my trusty compact mirror that I use to do my make up and you bet your ass I’ll even put my hair in a ponytail when is 114 degrees in Arizona!

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Being out on the road has allowed me to realize there is such beauty and wonder around me. I am but a small speck on this planet and while I feel I should still put effort into my appearance, it is not as important as seeing what is out the windshield of our truck.

On a side note: if you are a trucker’s wife and feel comfortable walking through a truck stop with cartoon character pajama pants and a holey t shirt on, go for it! I’m just not that brave 🙂

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